Much of what leads to deeper happiness these days requires a degree of change. Often times, we even know what we want – though we may wonder if we’ll ever get there. Some people take the requisite action and others just think about it, making empty promises to themselves about a future that always appears to remain at arm’s length. Wherever you are on this road to Self-Optimization is fine, you are perfect however you are. But should you desire to progress, there is a way to do so.

Due to the fundamentally physical, mental and emotional aspects of change, it can be tempting to put obstacles in one’s own way to not only avoid it, but make that avoidance palatable. Sometimes, it may be something seemingly significant – like waiting for the accumulation of a certain amount of time, money or other resources as the figurative switch to begin. In other instances, it may manifest as the procrastination of little things – like not cleaning off our cluttered desks, or doing that pile of weeks old laundry. As long as there’s something standing between you and change, it simply won’t happen.

Why one might avoid something, even when we believe we want it, is a great and meaty question. Safety, a sense of comfort, anger, resistance, fear – these are all possibilities, even likelihoods. However, today I’m going to suggest we put these answers aside in service of approaching change, happiness and progress from a different angle.

What if it’s not hard? Go with me on this. What if change is NOT difficult? What if it just IS?

What would that make possible? What would that allow? How might you shift your being? How might you approach change differently?

Though you should spend time getting curious about those questions for yourself, I assert that this point of view might lower your resistance. It might free you from the forces which have you put obstacles in your way. No obstacles, no resistance. Less fear, more progress.

Life will never not have it’s challenging circumstances, especially if we empower them that way. And there are factors beyond our control. But here’s the thing, life will never stop handing them to us. Never. There will always be an opportunity to give up or give in. If you want to stay still, I am sure that you will find a way.

But if you want to get motivated to get up and over your walls, remember – change just IS. Nothing more, nothing less.

Now choose from THERE.

Friction is a part of life. Sometimes it surfaces in our relationships – with our family, our friends, coworkers and even with those in the restaurants and behind the counters of the establishments we frequent. There are gaps between what we want and what we get, or what others expect or need from us and what they get. And though potentially difficult, friction is also a necessity. It is an agent for change.

When a car moves down the street, and something gets in the way or the directions call for a left or right, the driver turns the wheel and it is the friction between the rubber tires and the road which take the vehicle on it’s new intended course. But anyone who has driven on ice knows what happens when a slick, lubricated surface undermines that friction. You keep sliding in the same direction despite a desperate need for change. It can be very scary.

The same is true in our lives. Lies are essentially lubricants. They’re used to avoid pushback from the boss if one is late to work, has missed a meeting or an assignment, or wants to convert a sick day into a vacation day. Children lubricate the friction they’ll receive from their parents when they’ve been mischievous and anticipate trouble coming. Or perhaps when someone returns something to the store and would really like to get their money back even though the truth doesn’t quite fit the return policy. There are countless instances of these smaller, “white” lies.

But the most frightening applications of these seemingly innocuous lubricants are in much deeper, and often darker places. And they are WITHIN US. How many times do we break New Years resolutions with the help of those rationalizing little lies? The smoker will quit “one day.” Just one more carton. The overweight person may claim to know that they need to lower their blood pressure and yet somehow they keep ordering the same way at the dinner table. The person in the abusive relationship makes the excuse that their partner really does love them. And perhaps that it’s even their own fault. While these examples do certainly exist, they are of course extreme.

But how many people simply tell themselves, “I really am happy,” when it’s just not true? How many people drown out their own inner voice because of the fear of change or the resistance to responsibility or work or obligation? Yes, change is work – there’s pressure on the sides of those tires in order to shift that vehicle.

But think of the alternative. And play the tape forward. Do you really want to keep sliding down the road of your life only to look back one day desperately wishing you had turned? I promise that the pain of regret will always outweigh that of discipline and change. It takes a small investment of courage to get the reactor going. But once you’re in motion, the pay offs will fuel the process and momentum will make it significantly easier.

Just take a good look, and no matter what the circumstances, be honest.

At least, and especially, with yourself!

So here we are, just TWO WEEKS til 2014. And if you feel the way I do you’re wondering where the year went. Time is certainly moving, and it just keeps accelerating. Despite the temporary perspective that the new year is entirely in front of us, we’re going to blink and 2014 will be in the history books as well.

That’s why NOW is the time to take action – whatever it may be.

As a species, we are creatures of habit. It’s how we survive. But if nothing changes, then nothing changes. You have to change up the routine. As Nike so successfully utilized years ago, “Just do it!”

Want more friends (or new ones) or a romantic relationship? Go out and socialize even though it’s freezing. Want to feel healthier or fit into those old jeans again? Try eating more fish, even once or twice a week. And hit the gym or just try some push-ups and sit-ups – and you only have to commit to one or two workouts. Momentum will take care of the rest. Tired of your job? Even more tired of complaining about how you’re tired of your job? Get that resume ready. Want to stop hearing yourself say that you should read more? Pick up a book.

And for your own sake and everyone who cares about you (and every person within your physical proximity) QUIT SMOKING. You have to know by now that it’s killing you. I get that it can seem like an insurmountable task. I truly do. But millions of people have done it. And you can too. You just have to want it, and then take action. Don’t look to the horizon and get overwhelmed. Take it day at a time, hour at a time if necessary.

Call these changes social experiments. If they somehow lead you nowhere, come back to me and tell me how I wasted your time. Please! But I guarantee that you won’t.

BECAUSE THERE IS ALWAYS VALUE IN THE TRY! Just taking your shot will shake things up and bring you benefits – both directly to the issue at hand, and indirectly to other tangential situations. It will increase self worth, make challenges less challenging, and make you feel good!

NOW THAT’S THE WAY TO START OFF THE YEAR.

If you can do this on your own, kudos! It might be difficult but it’s not impossible. But then again, you have to admit that if you could you probably would have. So just in case you need some help, a little support, please reach out and give me a chance to show you what having a COACH IN YOUR CORNER can do for any and all aspects of your life.

And if you mention this post, I’m going to give you a special gift to jump start the process.

Here’s wishing you a strong finish to 2013 and a positive and productive start to what can be a defining new year!

And as always, if you know someone that can benefit from this post, please share! Thank you.

All the best,

Corey

Friday, October 4th, 2013 began like most of my days do – getting up and ready, handling the morning’s tasks, being a Dad, a husband, a citizen, a person.

Around noon there was a shift in my schedule and quick math revealed enough time to go sit in Union Square with my Ankerline table. I really enjoy connecting with people and it’s important to me to be of service and give back. The conversations can be difficult but also wonderful and organic. One on one often turns into a group dynamic, then back to one on one and eventually just me again before the next person sits down. The chemistry between the calming, natural park and the urban energy make it an excellent place to think and talk.

Between the weather and a busy schedule, I hadn’t been able to get out there for a couple of months and I was looking forward to it. But I couldn’t possibly have known what was to come just a few short hours later.

The weather was pleasant that Friday and my friend Chris stopped by to bring me an iced coffee and some conversation. While Chris was there, T, a girl in her early 20’s sat down and began sharing. She used to be homeless but fortunately had overcome those circumstances. It was her love life for which she sought input. We talked for about fifteen minutes. I asked her if anything I said resonated. She smiled a beautiful smile. “Everything.” She went on her way and I was feeling good – for T and for me.

Less than five minutes passed. Then RJ sat down.

Normally, I put in conscious effort to remain as open as possible when first being introduced to someone. No matter how they are dressed, physically or emotionally, I like to build an impression over time – not just guess. Given what follows, it’s interesting that with RJ it didn’t require much. He appeared to be in a rather decent mood.

But less than two minutes into meeting me, RJ pointed toward the main entrance to the Union Square subway station and shared his intentions to end his life. “I’ve got it all figured out. I’m going to throw myself onto the third rail. That should make headlines.”

This wasn’t the first time I had heard someone say something of this nature or magnitude. But it was the first time it had been said in that environment – in the middle of broad daylight, out in the open in Union Square. It certainly added an additional element of strange.

The funny thing about RJ is that he had no complaints. Often times, someone in that position has something to point out that is dissatisfying. It could be external – like blaming a boss, a spouse, or the government. It can also be internal – like feeling depressed or tired. RJ, at least on the surface, had an outward state that did not seem to line up with his stated intentions.

I had to feel him out. Maybe he was just angry or upset and needed to vent. It could have been a long week. Unfortunately, the more he spoke, the more I heard credibility in his plan, and the more I realized the seriousness of the situation. RJ was very clear that the conversation with me would be the last one he would have, EVER. In fact, he seemed to relish the idea that, “Everyone in Union Square was just going about their business, but very soon their world would change.” He was grandiose in his assessment but when he told me that he had been planning this for a while and had even measured the distance between the rails, I knew it didn’t matter. He had to be taken seriously.

I wanted to keep him talking. Our talking equalled RJ’s not acting, and perhaps together we could burn off his steam, whatever it was. After about thirty-five minutes, he hadn’t really budged. He was somewhat calm, in moments almost jovial, but also detached and he kept reinforcing his intended plan. Then he laughed, told me he liked me and my blue sign and stood up. He decided that he had enough and wanted to move on. I was able to get him reseated for another few minutes but ultimately he was off. He just started walking away.

This was not good.

To my right was a table of college aged guys and girls promoting products and services for a national cellular company. We had a rapport from a few exchanges over the afternoon. I turned to one of the guys and said, “Watch my table? I gotta go find a cop.”

Always careful to keep RJ in my eye-line, I started scanning for blue uniforms. There are always cops somewhere around Union Square. Not on that Friday. I couldn’t find one anywhere. So I called 911. I spoke with an operator and we were on the phone for a while. I gave her the location and a description of RJ. I even gave my description so that the Police could find me. I let her know that I would be happy to point him out.

It took the Police almost thirty minutes to arrive. Oh, and remember that iced coffee Chris brought me? A forty minute conversation with RJ plus a thirty minute wait for the cops equalled me needing a restroom. The police finally showed up, and I indicated where RJ was standing, where he’d been standing for the whole thirty minutes – staring strangely off into space. I described him with great specificity.

Over the course of our conversation RJ had made some references to a profession I used to work in and sometimes still do. I make one request to the Police. “I’m happy to help in any way I can but I’d prefer it if he not see me with you. He doesn’t need to know that I am the one who called.” They seem to understand. They start walking in RJ’s direction. And they begin talking to a guy standing in the vicinity but with an entirely different description! RJ is a short male with brown skin wearing black clothes and black boots. They are questioning an Asian male who is almost six feet and wearing red. I just kept thinking, “You really can’t make this stuff up!”

Through hand gestures I indicate that they have the wrong person. They wave me over! I indicate that I am hesitant. One of the officers shouts out, “C’mere. We’re here. He ain’t gonna kill you.”

Not having much of a choice, I came out from behind where I was standing. Picture this: we are now all standing in a circle – me, RJ, two Police officers and three EMT guys. Awkward silence for what feels like five long minutes but was probably more like twenty seconds. RJ is looking at me with a look that says, “What the hell?” By the way, I forgot to mention that during our conversation, he had referenced something from the Koran. When I took out my phone to search for the reference, he got uptight and asked if I was calling the Police. At that point I hadn’t yet and obviously I said no. But now here we all are, in that circle. So he’s staring at me and the tension is thick. I pause for a beat and then say firmly, “RJ, there are two sets of circumstances where I need to make this kind of call – when someone is a potential threat to themselves or someone else. And right now you’re both. Why don’t you reconcile the forty minute conversation we had with your reaction just now and then we can all go home.”

RJ half-heartedly tried to create a story about us talking about ideas for a movie, which we did for all of four minutes. It holds no water to off-set the depth of our conversation. One of the officers looks at me after RJ’s tale with a questioning expression. I just gently shake my head no. He then turns to RJ, indicating me, “Why would he make this up?” I mention that not only did I not make it up, I am actually uncomfortable from need of a restroom. Upon hearing this, the officer thanks me for my help and says I’m good to go.

As I walk away, I hear RJ over my shoulder say to the circle, “What now? Bellevue?”

In hindsight, I should have taken down some info to follow up. But all I could think about at that point was to get back across Union Square, pack up my table and find that bathroom. It wasn’t until the next morning that I started wondering about RJ. Did they take him to Bellevue? Did they medicate him? Did they let him go? They couldn’t have let him go, right?

I did pay a visit to both the Police station in the Union Square subway and One PP (One Police Plaza). I was instructed to write a letter in order to get a copy of the transcript and then go from there. Correspondence has been exchanged multiple times and the situation is ongoing.

As if this story weren’t interesting enough, here is where it takes a remarkable turn.

Twenty days later, on Thursday, October 24^th, I was supposed to leave my apartment around 8:30pm to run an errand uptown. My wife was late getting home so I didn’t make it out until close to 9pm. I headed over to Union Square and went underground at the top of the park to get the N/R train. As I made it down the first set of stairs, I saw people flooding out of both sides of the lower level. It felt strange because normally that would only happen on one of the sides, after a train left the station. I heard someone say that the trains weren’t running. I wasn’t pleased. But then I heard something unbelievable, something that literally stopped me from taking another step. Someone said there was a crazy man on the tracks.

“No way,” I’m thinking. I see the guy who said it walking toward me. Then I ask him what had to nolvadex cheapest pharmacy,nolvadex at the lowest ?of these, endorphin release and the liver disease caused by theophylline. typhus rickettsia buy nolvadex online no particular .  be a very strange question for him. “Does he have a shaved head??” Who probes further, let alone with specificity, upon hearing a crazy guy is on the tracks? The guy looks at me, takes a half beat and asks, “Why? Do you know him??” And I say, “Yeah, I might.” He takes out his phone and shows me the photo. essay writer – find the best expert at ?professional essay writers are here. at myexcellentwriter.com, we are well aware of the fact that a ticket to success is in professional writer? hands. “No way. It’s him.”

A crowd has gathered from the bottom of the stairs and onto the platform. People are taking pictures. And there, down on the tracks, with no shirt, is RJ. I want to do something, to say something. But at that point, what was there to do or say? He was arrested, handcuffed and walked out of the station.

As of this post, I am still uncertain as to how the story ends. But I have been following up with NYPD and if I find out more, I will certainly share.

I’ve thought about the odds of my not only having been present on the 4^th, after months of not being in Union Square, but to then randomly be back twenty days later at a time when I didn’t expect to be and there he was. They’re incalculable.

If you are a scientist, it’s a wild coincidence. If you are spiritual, maybe there is a grander purpose. But as far as I am concerned, the message is clear. We never know what life will bring us. And if we are not careful, we – like RJ – can lose sight of what we have. Again, he may be a very sick individual, and who knows how truthful what he shared with me really was. But he wasn’t a stupid man. Remember, we sat and talked for almost forty minutes. He spoke of a girlfriend, and a dog. He was employed and didn’t seem to have any financial issues. In the end, at least the end that I know, RJ lost his way.

Even if it is unfathomable to you that you would fall so far, even if you find it difficult to identify with him, my hope is that you take a moment and sit in the reality that we all have things that impede our progress in this life. Success isn’t about what we have, but what we do with what we have. And happiness isn’t about what we have either, but how we feel about what we have.

Here’s to compassion for the RJ’s of this world and to gratitude for understanding what makes us all different and yet also the same.

To be continued… hopefully.

Surprisingly, it was neither. She continued with a smile, “How heavy is this glass of water?”

Intrigued, over the next sixty seconds people called out answers ranging from 8 oz. to 20 oz. Finally she announced, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It all depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, no problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have quite a sore arm. If I hold it for a day, you’ll have to call an ambulance. In each case the weight is the same, but the longer I hold it the heavier it becomes.” She continued, “And that’s the way it is with stress. If we carry our burdens all of the time, they become increasingly heavy until sooner or later we are unable to carry on.”

As with the glass of water, we have to lay down our burdens of stress and “rest” before picking them up again. Once refreshed, we are able to carry on a little longer and a little better.

Some of the mental and emotional parcels we all carry have a degree of constancy, and even necessity – professional and familial obligations, pressure from financial generation and management, the friction points between what we have and what we want or where we are and where we’d like to be. Though we’re best served to avoid becoming overwhelmed by these, they do have a purpose – they keep us on point and moving forward in our lives.

But then there are those items which we keep in our possession despite their lack of purpose. Anger and resentment are good examples. How long have you held onto negativity which originated from an interaction with a person or from a circumstance that was beyond your control? It could be a seemingly large package, like a pattern of unfulfilled needs originating in childhood, or something as small as someone cutting you in line. Time goes by and if we’re able to, we let go. But often, there is a residual effect that we carry much longer than necessary. Sometimes even years pass but the memory of a person or an event still creates ripples across our present emotional selves.

Remember this, forgiveness is not for the forgiven – it is for the one who forgives. Put down the yoke of these empty burdens and let them fall away. If someone takes your cab, don’t bring the frustration back to the office. And if you observe an ongoing unhealthy or negative pattern within a current relationship, perhaps it’s worth addressing and attempting a repair. But we need not be social hoarders, clinging to all of the ties we fasten. Life is organic and as we change and grow so may our social wardrobes. If it doesn’t fit anymore, don’t keep hanging it in your closet. We cannot fill that which is already full. Make some room and go find a few new items.

Choose wisely what you carry with you, in all aspects – physically, mentally, emotionally, socially – and make sure to carve out the time and space to place your burdens down. Replenish your resolve, regain your balance and perspective, and resume the journey with renewed vigor. It may not guarantee a faster arrival at your destination, but it will certainly make for a more pleasant trip!